yesterday together with bi go to marang. gi umah abg maliki. last time aku gi sane sblom bulan puase, time musim durian, mertua abg maliki kasi durian. heh. this time, ayah mertua dia baru lepas operate sakit lam perot. i'm not sure what exectly his illness. tp dia nampak da sihat skit.

anak² abg maliki panggil aku mak su sbb aku ngan ayah su dorang, bi. hik hik. muke aku blushing sei bile dorang panggil mak su. abg maliki, kak na and bi sengih² penuh makne. terkedu, tersipu2 aku. eiii.. malu nyeh! bile mase plak aku kawen ngan ayah su dorang?? hihihi :P~ kak na hidang ubi keling. sape tau ubi keling?? payau je rase ubi ni tp beh la..

petang, balik kemaman, abg maliki balik skali, nnt dia nak balik johor. tp sblom tu dia nak modify satria dia tu dulu. ari tu kete dia lowered sampai bumper cinonet pon xleh nak lepas, this time dia modified tinggi giler sampai aku tgk buruk no rupe satria dia tuh. tinggi pelik sei! bile tanye dia kate, 'ni le latest nye style'. xfaham aku tang mane style dia ckp tuh..

tau² dorang nak balik umah dulu. means, smlm aku jumpe ibu mertua aku la. hihi.. bile mase aku kawen ngan anak dia? :)~ perahsantan.. sgt² la segan.... aku ngan t-shirt selekeh and jeans jek. mane tau dorang nak balik umah! malu nye. 1st time aku jumpe umi kat paka umah kak mona, mase tu sopan skit ar baju kurung. menggeletar jugak ar, tp xsempat borak panjang mase tu. this time selekeh gile. hii malu nyeh. jatuh saham..

tersengih², terkulat², terkebil² aku dibuatnye. rase mcm smcm jek.. tension gak coz i'm not ready for this. hayya... pastu, wat² rajin la. tolong buat air, tolong potong sayur, sibuk² kat dapur. dorang kate x yah pon aku wat² nyibuk gak. terok gak ar ne usik. rase camdoh pon ade gak. mak aku x pernah ajar etika bertemu mak mertua, so aku bebetul x tau ape nak buat.. strivin to get alive dol!

baik sgt umi. dia tau aku segan agaknye. suke aku tgk dia ngan anak² dia. so close :) kak mona pon ade smlm, dia da sarat sgt. perot dia perrgghhh.. beso sei. mcm sakit jek pregnent nih. aku ingat mesti kembar nih, beso pelik perot dia, due within 1 week. xlame lagi da tu. nnt timang anak sedara lg la aku.. keh keh

xtau caner nak express perasaan aku skang ni.. happy? sad? tp aku tau aku sayang bi.. tinggi menggunung harapan aku nih.... rase nye tak tercapai plak...

hurm.. sometimes i feel like i've tried too hard that i'm gonna lose everything... :(~

aduss.. sejak dua menjak ni asik gado je. sumer salah aku la. sape soh cari pasal?

ari tu new year punye hal la ni. kebodohan aku yg xkan pernah memudahkan keadaan.. smlm, aku bebetul mati akal lah. rase lomah semangat jek. blurrrrr.................

woi korang!!!! aku sayang dia la wei!!! syg la sgt2 xtau le nak ckp camane lagi. nak tunjuk caner lg? nak buat caner lagi? ohhh bodoh nye semua inih.... arrgghhh aku kemabokan..... kebingunan... kebengongan... kebodohan.. kegilaan... kestupidan.. kemangkukan.....

letih minda aku!

damn i'm suck with words


---------

to see u when i wake up
is a gift i didn't think could be real
to know that u feel the same as i do
is a three-fold, utopian dream..

u do something to me that i can't explain.
so would i be out of line if I said, i miss u...(?)

i see ur picture
i smell ur skin on the empty pillow next to mine
u have only been gone ten days
but already i'm wasting away

i know i'll see u again
whether far or soon
but i need u to know that i care
and i miss u

..incubus

aku dengar kat radio pagi td dlm cab on the way ke opis..

ok tajuk kite pada pagi ini, kenapa lelaki diibaratkan kumbang dan perempuan diibaratkan bunga? ha, kite dah ade panggilan di talian.. hello?

elo.. saye rase laki diibaratkan kumbang sbb kumbang suke isap madu.

ye ke? tp lelaki sebenar xde la semua suke isap madu kan? ape kaitan nye?

tp kumbang dia mmg isap madu. laki ni mcm kumbang sbb dia suke madu.

ha? da tu lepas dia isap madu dia buat ape?

dah lepas isap madu dia cari la bunga lain plak. abih la. xdapat wat ape la..

ahaha.. ini jenis kumbang tak bertanggungjawab la ye?

tak de la.. ini kumbang ganasss...

ahahaha.. ok la terima kasih, bye. ok panggilan seterusnya.. elo?

elo.. sye rase pempuan ni mcm bunga sbb pompuan ni manis mcm madu.

manis mcm madu? ade rase manis ke?

xde la, manisnye pada lemah lembut dia, sopan santun dia, ayu dia, cantik dia mcm bunga.

ho mcm tu.. da tu laki ni mcm mane plak?

da la kaler itam, bertanduk plak tu, jahat plak, suke rosakkan bunga. tengok saje xleh ke? jgn le di usik, nnt tuan taman marah..

ahahha.. bernas jugak tuh.. ok la terima kasih, bye..

the sky is full of clouds and
my world's full of people
all different kinds with different ways
it would take a lifetime to explain
not one's exactly the same
he and she, two different people
with two seperate lives
then you put the two together
and get a spectacular surprise
'cause one can teach the other one
what she doesn't know
while still the other fills a place inside
he never knew had room to grow
..no doubt - different people

ai.. macam² lah :)


--------


1100pm

My Soul: Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

QUIZ: What Kind Of Soul Are You?

no comment..


--------


0145pm

New Vacancy?

kak mona baru je kol bgtau dia nak rekemen aku keje kat OGP, kerteh. ape pon belom confirm lg la. dia kol nak tanye aku stuju ke tak kalo dia nak rekemen keje situ. mesti la stuju! ih.. aku mcm setengah mati sakit otak mikir nak cari keje lain. i dont care how much they gonna pay me, as long i can blah from this place, nothing else matter...

except for one thing, it is not a permenant position. it's a 2 months contract. so how?? xpe lah, aku accept dulu, perform as excellent as i can, then may be there'll be another apportunity for me. hurm.. but it's just a may be... tawakal je lah.

smlm kak mona soh aku report kat pejabat buruh, wat report ganguan emosi dari bini bos. heh.. ikutkan ati nak je aku buat report tu. tp rational kate, biar dulu... huhu.. dr dulu pon aku asik 'biar la dulu', sampai skang same je. masalah x jugak selesai..

no comment la jugak...

smlm mcm biase, time balik aku lengah² skit tunggu kul 6.30 ke baru gerak. ye la, aku kan menumit. awal² ngat jalan sesak segan la aku. kat kemaman ni, bile nak kenal je sesape mesti ckp "macam kenal je awak ni".. damn. of course la ko kenal aku! tiap² petang pon muke aku bersepah kat tepi jalan tu. buduh.

nak jadikan citer tension smlm, tepon bunyi, aku angkat, pompuan yg kol, nak bercakap ngan bos aku, then i passed the line. pastu continue kemas² barang. pastu tepon bunyi lagi. aku angkat lagi..

'eh ko ni balik lewat² pasal?'
'erk?'
'byk sgt ke keje kat opis tu sampai kul 7 pon x reti² nak balik??'
'err..'
'ko keje ape ha?? menyundal? jual *tuut*?? ko da xde keje lain? keje menyundal je???'
'awak ni sape maki² ni??'
'ko jgn tanye². jaga perangai tu skit. jgn jadi setan.. bla bla *explicit* *explicit*...'
'...'

aku hang up.

setan tak betina tu? ape salah aku? balik lewat skit dia kate aku menyundal, jual *tuut* kat bos aku.. da xde kewarasan dah betina tu. mata hati sumer da buta. dia yg terang² kena tipu dia x nampak. aku yang xde kaitan ni jugak yang kena. caner lagi nak aku ckp, yang aku ni TAK ADE NAFSU NGAN LAKI DIA!! buduh..

kalo ikutkan aku, cukup bulan ni aku da blah dah. xkuase aku sakit mental duk sini lelame. tp bile pikirkan sumber kewangan, aku xleh nak berenti. ape aku nak buat eh? keje lain lom ade feedback. da penat rasenye. penat fizikal. penat mental. penat jiwa.

aku xnak terlibat lagi lam masalah dorang, atau masalah sesape pon. tolong lah... i had enuf :'( sedih nye. sedih sgt... tersangat², teramat² la sedih....... :'( ape lagi nak aku buat? camane lagi? xcukup lagi aku da jadi macam tikus dah kat sini? nak aku gile agaknye...

nak aku jadi camane lagi..?


-------------

nak wish kat korang Selamat Ari Raye Aidil Adha! sembelih la jgn tak sembelih.... jgn tersalah sembelih mende yg tak patot di sembelih da la....

....

ari tu pc aku rosak. mintak kawan tolong baikikan. ingat member² bleh ar kawtim, x nak kawtim pon at least x de la nak cekik aku... nak tau dia claim payment berapa?? RM100!!! format pc je pon amik byk tu?? baik aku bagi kat apek cine kat CP nu. sesia je. ade kawan pon x gune. xde kawan pon x gune jugak. sialan..

ni first and last ar aku mintak tolong dia. bodoh betol la dia tu. mangkuk ayun. sudu. garpu. kuali. senduk. pisau cukur. da la busuk, bau badan hapak sial! xreti nak jaga kewangian badan langsung! kamben!

kopak la aku bulan depan.. mangkuk!!!!!!!!

budohhhh!

hurm... tetiba aku terpikir...

if i got money, may be i can buy a digicam or a best quality manual camera. then do the part time job, taking picture of married couple, kenduri kendara ke, any gathering, etc. bijak tak idea aku?? muahahahha.. leh dapat duit. pastu leh beli mende lain plak. beli kereta ke, beli umah, beli mende² yang aku x pernah beli.. beh.. beh...

minat la photography ni.. kalo la aku ade camera beh². memacam gambo aku nak amik. aku suke hayati impression muke seseorang. muka² yang sedang berpikir, sedih, tahan nangis, sebak, terharu, gembire, konpius, tertanye², innocent.. pastu cube pikir ape yg dorang pikir, sape dorang tu, ape kisah dorang, mane dtg dorang, anak sapekah ini.... (gilo!) impresi muke tu menunjukkan isi ati memasing. pastu amik gambo² yg ade stori disebaliknye. sesuatu yg hudoh dan tak cantik, tak semestinya tak menarik..

pastu tempek kat memane, masuk contest ke.. kalo menang dapat lagi pitih, duit, wang, money!!! kaye la aku kalo centu kan.. hiii beh nye...

err.. i'm not crazy, am i??

-------------------

0554 pm:

asik lukih karton ni sejak semalam....


she had something to confess to
but you don't have the time so look the other way
you will wait until its over
to reveal what you'd never shown her
too little much too late ...muse...

no.. i'm not crazy...

What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
hurm... so many things i never did have been done last year
Did you keep your new year's resolutions,and will you make more for next year?
insyaAllah.. i'll keep my new year's resolutions.. if fail carried forward to nex year loh.. heh
Did anyone close to you give birth?
yeah.. baby girl, sufi.. euww cute banget. actually her mother didnt so close to me, but still we're fren
Did anyone close to you die?
last year? nope
What countries did you visit?
thailand? muahaha.. but i did
What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
digicam
What dates from 2004 will remain attached upon your memory, and why?
march but dont exectly remember the date
What was your biggest achievement of the yr?
came back to my home town, TRG after damn hard time in KL (key hell)
What was your biggest failure?
fail to find a good job, n have done so many stupid things
Did you suffer illness or injury?
flu? heh
What was the best thing you bought?
ape yek..? few stuff untuk rumah kat kg, for my mum
Whose behavior merited celebration?
stop doing any stupid things
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my stupid housemates, the sri bandi geng
Where did most of your money go?
stuffs, prepaid, shirts, food, junk.. gosh.. wat a waste
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
there's something i want to achieve this year... insyaAllah
What song will always remind you of 2004?
the reason - hoobastank, the song is about me... :'(
Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
sadder, i dont know what i want, this time is the peak time of my stupidity. heh.
b) thinner or fatter?
thinner
c) richer or poorer?
poorer
What do you wish you'd done more of?
be rational
What do you wish you'd done less of?
being stupid
How did you spend Christmas?
i dont celebrate cristmas
Did you fall in love in 2004?
nope
How many one-night stands?
damn! i suci lagi tau! euwww
What was your favorite TV program?
my wife n kids, 3R, smallville, etc
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
able to forgive and forget, axcept watching my stupid housemates doing stupid stuffs
What was the best book you read?
i dont read last year.. gosh.. :-O i used to love to read...
What was your greatest musical discovery?
punkrock, ska
What did you want and get?
money and good frens
What did you want and not get?
money and good frens
What was your favorite film of this year?
PGL, i watched the vcd tens of time
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
last year? not much, got few wishes from few close ppl, and i dont expect to get more
How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2004?
serabai
What kept you insane?
sins
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
gwen stiffani
Who did you miss?
bi, bi, bi and bi
Who was the best new person you met?
aya, my roommate

i want to be a good girl


----------------


0530 pm:

jali dah naikkan pangkat aku kat KPMB Forum!

muahahhaha.. aku skang jadi site admin.. biarpon forum tu sgt la suram tp ok la... hihi...

mekacih jali!!

dont get mistaken. ah chu isn't ah chu that a chinese man named ah chu, ah chu is a sign that i got flu. ah chuuuu! adeh...

last weekend gue balik kampung. semalam gi selongkar bilik, cari harddisk aku yg rosak nak try baiki, dah berhabuk. gue gak bisa ngan habuk² nih. penasaran gue dibuatnya. waduh...

skali dlm express bus dr KT ke kemaman idung dah berair, badan da sakit², tekak perit, kepala pusing.. asik bersin aje. mlm tadi, tido ku terganggu.. demam la plak. adusss.. sakit nye...

ari ni kene dtg keje gak. ari tu da byk ari cuti. asik cuti aje kang org ckp aku curi tulang. ih.. merana nye.. when was the last time i got flu?? hurm.. nearly a year ago. mase tu keje part time jaga cc kat seremban. mase tu aku demam terok. this time not as bad as the last time, still i dont like how it feel. aaahhh.. i'm sick!

mengampunkan dosa kecil aku nih...


-------

"awak nampak sgt x nak jumpe saye. xpe, nanti kalu saye jumpe awk saye akan buat x kenal k.."

that was his last sms yesterday morning. i dont reply him coz dont know what to write.

somehow i felt reliefed. felt free. i'm so mean, am i..? i dont know how else should i handle him. it's all my fault. i started this mess and tried to make it clear by telling him i dont want to see him anymore. that everything is a mistake. a damn stupid mistake.

Ya Allah.. protect me from harms.. was it a solution of everything? would it clear up every mess i started? what should i do if things get worse?

what if things get worse...?

------

0451 pm:

aku mintak ngan boss nak balik awal. demam ar. mcm melarat la plak. adeh... nak menumit pon xlarat rasenye nih. tompang balik ngan aya la ari nih.. adeh...

td baru kol boss aku mintak nak balik awal, dia dah izinkan. pastu dia mintak kerjasama ngan aku plak. kalo ade girl name Z (name dicensored) kol ke opis, jgn bgtau dia yg boss aku da kawen... ckp yg aku xtau.. auww.... nak tersedak aku! lahai pakcik.. why must i help him? should i? what credits would i get? damn, i dont want to get involve in his personal thingy. i had enuf!

sesape yg kenal boss aku tu, jgn nak jadikan ini satu isu. i wrote and post stuffs here, not for some stupid gossips to talk around. oops.. emo telah dikesan... :P~ didnt mean to k. jgn marah..

ape nak jadi tah..

more...

cuti sakan. besh sgt. so happy. so free. very precious.

bi, sori sbb da spoilkan saat² akhir kat sane. so happy to be with ya. love ya. i mean it..

not enuf words to descrides.. :'(